Horror Queen's Take on The Exorcist (1973)
~ 3 out of 5 limbs ~
Scare Type: Demonic/Paranormal
Gore Rating: 2 out of 3 (vomit seen on screen)
Character Likablity: 1 out of 5 (you barely know the main characters, or the demon)
Fame Rating: 5 out of 5 (everyone knows this movie)
Effects Quality: 3 out of 5 (you have to give this movie some credit, it's a 1970s film)
~Spoilers~
Let me just come out and say it, I do not like this movie. It just is not scary. Like at all. Maybe like in the 70s, when horror was new, it would be scary beyond belief. But now, it's just... ugh.
I think after watching The Omen and this movie, I think that I can make a new term for the problem with this movie. This term is 70s Horror Syndrome.
So, what's so awful with this movie? Let's take a look.
We start with an excavation in Iraq, and a little Arabian boy tells an old man who probably belongs in a nursing home that they found something at the base of something. So the old guy goes to the base of whatever he's digging up, and reaches in a hole and finds a demon head. As typical.
Then we watch this old guy do random crap, like eat at restaurants, take heart medicine, watch one eyed creepy blacksmiths work and visit an appraiser who calls this old guy 'father'. Apparently this guy is both a priest and an archaeologist. Interesting career choices!
It turns out that the demon head is related to a full-sized demon statue. As the old guy stares at it, this random Arabian dude comes up behind him and yet does nothing, and the most ironic dog fight in the history of movies takes place. Apparently this is supposed to represent the fight between good and evil, but... what if it's just two dogs fighting the crap out of each other??
We transition to Georgetown (and I had no idea where this 'Georgetown' was until the main character says 'maybe we should leave Washington... why couldn't you just call it Washington instead of Georgetown?!?! It would make a lot more sense to just call it Washington instead of a place that I do not know!)
Our main character turns out to be an actress named Chris MacNeil, who is living with her daughter, Regan (weird name, but whatever) while filming a movie about a college or something.
While she's filming, she gets stared at by a priest named Damien Karras, who is Greek and has a mom who insists on living by herself in her house even though she looks like she's 80 years old and she has a messed up leg. This begs the question, why doesn't he just LIVE with his mom? I mean, if you can't get her out of the house, just move in! Just because you're a priest, you don't have to distance yourself from your own mother!?! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone! You have a place to live, and you don't have to worry about your mom dying. Ta-dah! Oh, wait, I forgot, this plot is supposed to make you ask these questions, isn't it? Nevermind, point invalid.
Anyways, something happens to his mom and she ends up in an asylum (or a state run hospital) because Damien can't afford to take her elsewhere. And he feels guilty for it. Maybe if you, I don't know, moved in with your mom, she wouldn't end up in a hospital she doesn't want to be in? Anyways, it doesn't matter because she dies anyways and Damien gets depressed. Wah. What, we only knew his mom for like 10, 20 minutes in the film? And she's not even important enough to get mentioned on the Wikipedia summary of the movie? Yeah, I'm just going to say, I don't care because all I've seen Damien do throughout this movie so far is whine and moan about stuff.
It's revealed that Regan is using a Ouija board (it's kinda creepy for me to see a Ouija board that looks EXACTLY like mine), and she starts talking to a 'Captain Howdy'. However, the demon in the movie is never called that, so that's another pointless detail. Regan likes drawing and painting and whatever, yet another pointless detail that doesn't add up to anything.
One night, while Chris has to go film, she leaves her director to watch after Regan. Perfect idea, just have your BOSS take care of YOUR kid. Have you never heard of a baby-sitter before? And big shock, he ends up dead, looking like he may or may not have flung himself out the window. A detective goes to work on the case named Kindermann. Haha, look, there's symbolism in his name because he has 'Kind' and 'Man' in his name. So ingenious. Like how Damien looks a little like Demon if you think about it. And like how the name Chris is Christ without the 'T' on it. Yeah, the symbolism is so, like, useful in understanding this movie.
Chris starts to believe Regan has something wrong with her due to behavior. Like she says something bad at a dinner party. Oh my goodness, there is totally something wrong with a child saying something bad! Ugh. Chris takes her daughter to a gazillion doctors and all of them tell her she has something wrong with her temporal lobe, and eventually she gives up and calls Damien to do an exorcism.
Another priest dude comes into the chapel one day and finds the Virgin Mary statue all messed up. Another pointless detail. I need a counter of how many pointless details this movie has!
So, Damien investigates Regan and Chris about the demonic activity, and he talks to a priest higher up than him or something like that and that priest suggests that Lankester Merrin should help him. Yeah, remember that first part of the movie with that old guy who dug out a demon head? That was Lankester Merrin. Apparently he exorcised a demon in Africa in a ceremony that took 12 hours, yet we get nothing else other than that to prove his merit. Oh, that and he has a demon head.
So the two FINALLY start on the horror part of the film, like with what, 30, 20, 10 minutes left? Yeah! I love horror movies that wait until the last freaking second of the movie to show horror.
Regan pukes like 3 times during the exorcism. But after I survived a Rob Zombie movie, I can survive this crap. The vomit doesn't even look real. It just looks like green goo!
Regan's demon is hinted at being that demon thing from Iraq, but I never heard the name 'Pazuzu' being mentioned during the exorcism. They eventually take a break, because both priests get tired.
After the break, they start to begin getting the demon out again. Of course, the demon in Regan tries to convince Damien that she is his mom, and Merrin tells him to leave. Chris queries if Regan will die, and somehow this makes Damien want to go back into the room, and find Merrin dead. See, this is why Merrin should have just drawn retirement and quit this business before he got ahead of himself, and now he is dead. Kids, retire early, that way, demons won't try to kill you.
Damien tries to get Merrin back alive for some reason, and then through some weird ceremony thing, Damien ends up taking the demon out of Regan's body and putting in his body. Then he jumps out the window, ending this movie with a less than appeasing movie. Regan and Chris go back to wherever they came from, and it ends 'Happily Ever After' for everyone.
I have so many questions about this movie, that were never answered!
1. Why is Merrin in Iraq in the first place? Does he just want a hard core retirement?
2. What's the deal with the demon idol? I mean, is it good, is it evil? Is it a legit god of an ancient civilization? Is it the region's version of Satan? I mean, was it really too hard for the director to maybe shoot a scene where Merrin is at a library researching the demon and be reading a book and say 'Oh yeah, this is the most evil demon of Iraq, and the people of the Fertile Crescent believed in it, some people say it still exists'!?!
3. Why doesn't Damien live with his mom? She probably would NOT have died if you actually lived with her! Is there a rule in the priesthood that you're allowed to visit your parents, but you can't visit them?
4. Why was Chris so cool with her daughter playing with a Ouija board? Does she even know what it does?
5. Why did Chris not hire a baby sitter? What, was it too expensive? What, are you sleeping with the director and you just wanted him to feel important?
6. Why did we save the detail that Merrin actually exorcised demons before until the 2nd act of the movie? It would have made the first 15 minutes of the movie make a little more sense about why he was so into that stupid demon head! That's like me being obsessed with koalas and making a movie centered around koalas and then saying in the middle of the movie that the first animal I ever remembered seeing was a koala!
7. And why is just that a detail? I mean, they make it sound like it is no big deal that he fought a demon for 12 hours!
8. How does that last part of the movie even work!?! From what I understand about demons, they don't freaking die. I mean, they can leap from person to person, but... It makes no sense! You can't kill a demon by leaping out of a window! They have to be sent back to where they came from, you can't just take out a semi-automatic and shoot them to death. It doesn't work that way!
~Spoilers~
So, what is 70s horror movie syndrome? It's a movie that sends 80% of its time establishing a somewhat creepy plot and the rest on horror. It makes me want to sleep while watching it.
Is it worth watching?
NO if you're like me and hate movies that are just illogical at certain points. This movie isn't as confusing as House of 1000 Corpses, but, some things are just never explained for some reason. Maybe it has to do with the author of the original book (yes, it's based on a book) adapting it from his book. I don't know. Maybe everyone read the book back then or something.
YES if you're into the 1970's and whatnot.
~Spoilers~
Let me just come out and say it, I do not like this movie. It just is not scary. Like at all. Maybe like in the 70s, when horror was new, it would be scary beyond belief. But now, it's just... ugh.
I think after watching The Omen and this movie, I think that I can make a new term for the problem with this movie. This term is 70s Horror Syndrome.
So, what's so awful with this movie? Let's take a look.
We start with an excavation in Iraq, and a little Arabian boy tells an old man who probably belongs in a nursing home that they found something at the base of something. So the old guy goes to the base of whatever he's digging up, and reaches in a hole and finds a demon head. As typical.
Then we watch this old guy do random crap, like eat at restaurants, take heart medicine, watch one eyed creepy blacksmiths work and visit an appraiser who calls this old guy 'father'. Apparently this guy is both a priest and an archaeologist. Interesting career choices!
It turns out that the demon head is related to a full-sized demon statue. As the old guy stares at it, this random Arabian dude comes up behind him and yet does nothing, and the most ironic dog fight in the history of movies takes place. Apparently this is supposed to represent the fight between good and evil, but... what if it's just two dogs fighting the crap out of each other??
We transition to Georgetown (and I had no idea where this 'Georgetown' was until the main character says 'maybe we should leave Washington... why couldn't you just call it Washington instead of Georgetown?!?! It would make a lot more sense to just call it Washington instead of a place that I do not know!)
Our main character turns out to be an actress named Chris MacNeil, who is living with her daughter, Regan (weird name, but whatever) while filming a movie about a college or something.
While she's filming, she gets stared at by a priest named Damien Karras, who is Greek and has a mom who insists on living by herself in her house even though she looks like she's 80 years old and she has a messed up leg. This begs the question, why doesn't he just LIVE with his mom? I mean, if you can't get her out of the house, just move in! Just because you're a priest, you don't have to distance yourself from your own mother!?! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone! You have a place to live, and you don't have to worry about your mom dying. Ta-dah! Oh, wait, I forgot, this plot is supposed to make you ask these questions, isn't it? Nevermind, point invalid.
Anyways, something happens to his mom and she ends up in an asylum (or a state run hospital) because Damien can't afford to take her elsewhere. And he feels guilty for it. Maybe if you, I don't know, moved in with your mom, she wouldn't end up in a hospital she doesn't want to be in? Anyways, it doesn't matter because she dies anyways and Damien gets depressed. Wah. What, we only knew his mom for like 10, 20 minutes in the film? And she's not even important enough to get mentioned on the Wikipedia summary of the movie? Yeah, I'm just going to say, I don't care because all I've seen Damien do throughout this movie so far is whine and moan about stuff.
It's revealed that Regan is using a Ouija board (it's kinda creepy for me to see a Ouija board that looks EXACTLY like mine), and she starts talking to a 'Captain Howdy'. However, the demon in the movie is never called that, so that's another pointless detail. Regan likes drawing and painting and whatever, yet another pointless detail that doesn't add up to anything.
One night, while Chris has to go film, she leaves her director to watch after Regan. Perfect idea, just have your BOSS take care of YOUR kid. Have you never heard of a baby-sitter before? And big shock, he ends up dead, looking like he may or may not have flung himself out the window. A detective goes to work on the case named Kindermann. Haha, look, there's symbolism in his name because he has 'Kind' and 'Man' in his name. So ingenious. Like how Damien looks a little like Demon if you think about it. And like how the name Chris is Christ without the 'T' on it. Yeah, the symbolism is so, like, useful in understanding this movie.
Chris starts to believe Regan has something wrong with her due to behavior. Like she says something bad at a dinner party. Oh my goodness, there is totally something wrong with a child saying something bad! Ugh. Chris takes her daughter to a gazillion doctors and all of them tell her she has something wrong with her temporal lobe, and eventually she gives up and calls Damien to do an exorcism.
Another priest dude comes into the chapel one day and finds the Virgin Mary statue all messed up. Another pointless detail. I need a counter of how many pointless details this movie has!
So, Damien investigates Regan and Chris about the demonic activity, and he talks to a priest higher up than him or something like that and that priest suggests that Lankester Merrin should help him. Yeah, remember that first part of the movie with that old guy who dug out a demon head? That was Lankester Merrin. Apparently he exorcised a demon in Africa in a ceremony that took 12 hours, yet we get nothing else other than that to prove his merit. Oh, that and he has a demon head.
So the two FINALLY start on the horror part of the film, like with what, 30, 20, 10 minutes left? Yeah! I love horror movies that wait until the last freaking second of the movie to show horror.
Regan pukes like 3 times during the exorcism. But after I survived a Rob Zombie movie, I can survive this crap. The vomit doesn't even look real. It just looks like green goo!
Regan's demon is hinted at being that demon thing from Iraq, but I never heard the name 'Pazuzu' being mentioned during the exorcism. They eventually take a break, because both priests get tired.
After the break, they start to begin getting the demon out again. Of course, the demon in Regan tries to convince Damien that she is his mom, and Merrin tells him to leave. Chris queries if Regan will die, and somehow this makes Damien want to go back into the room, and find Merrin dead. See, this is why Merrin should have just drawn retirement and quit this business before he got ahead of himself, and now he is dead. Kids, retire early, that way, demons won't try to kill you.
Damien tries to get Merrin back alive for some reason, and then through some weird ceremony thing, Damien ends up taking the demon out of Regan's body and putting in his body. Then he jumps out the window, ending this movie with a less than appeasing movie. Regan and Chris go back to wherever they came from, and it ends 'Happily Ever After' for everyone.
I have so many questions about this movie, that were never answered!
1. Why is Merrin in Iraq in the first place? Does he just want a hard core retirement?
2. What's the deal with the demon idol? I mean, is it good, is it evil? Is it a legit god of an ancient civilization? Is it the region's version of Satan? I mean, was it really too hard for the director to maybe shoot a scene where Merrin is at a library researching the demon and be reading a book and say 'Oh yeah, this is the most evil demon of Iraq, and the people of the Fertile Crescent believed in it, some people say it still exists'!?!
3. Why doesn't Damien live with his mom? She probably would NOT have died if you actually lived with her! Is there a rule in the priesthood that you're allowed to visit your parents, but you can't visit them?
4. Why was Chris so cool with her daughter playing with a Ouija board? Does she even know what it does?
5. Why did Chris not hire a baby sitter? What, was it too expensive? What, are you sleeping with the director and you just wanted him to feel important?
6. Why did we save the detail that Merrin actually exorcised demons before until the 2nd act of the movie? It would have made the first 15 minutes of the movie make a little more sense about why he was so into that stupid demon head! That's like me being obsessed with koalas and making a movie centered around koalas and then saying in the middle of the movie that the first animal I ever remembered seeing was a koala!
7. And why is just that a detail? I mean, they make it sound like it is no big deal that he fought a demon for 12 hours!
8. How does that last part of the movie even work!?! From what I understand about demons, they don't freaking die. I mean, they can leap from person to person, but... It makes no sense! You can't kill a demon by leaping out of a window! They have to be sent back to where they came from, you can't just take out a semi-automatic and shoot them to death. It doesn't work that way!
~Spoilers~
So, what is 70s horror movie syndrome? It's a movie that sends 80% of its time establishing a somewhat creepy plot and the rest on horror. It makes me want to sleep while watching it.
Is it worth watching?
NO if you're like me and hate movies that are just illogical at certain points. This movie isn't as confusing as House of 1000 Corpses, but, some things are just never explained for some reason. Maybe it has to do with the author of the original book (yes, it's based on a book) adapting it from his book. I don't know. Maybe everyone read the book back then or something.
YES if you're into the 1970's and whatnot.
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