Horror Queen's Take on House of 1000 Corpses
~ 3.5 out of 5 limbs ~
Scare Type: Psychological Thriller
Gore Rating: 3 out of 3 (blood, organs, gore, acts of violence depicted on screen)
Character Likablity: 2 out of 5 (you barely know the main characters or the antagonists in this movie. The only thing keeping this section from being a 0 is Captain Spaulding)
Fame Rating: 2 out of 5 (people may not know the name of this movie, but they know the man behind it- Rob Zombie)
Effects Quality: 5 out of 5 (effects of blood, gore and etc. are fairly realistic)
~ Spoilers & Language ~
You do not hear the title of this movie a lot. Maybe because the architect of it is not very in the public eye.
Rob Zombie began his film career with this movie. He directed and made the music for this movie.
So, is this movie worth the watch?
If you enjoy watching violence, seeing half naked girls, insane clowns, dysfunctional families, and if you like being confused, this one is for you.
So, our movie starts out with a guy named Dr. Wolfenstein and his black and white show, then you see an ad for a strange attraction run by a clown named Captain Spaulding. It's a gas station, restaurant and side show attraction.
When we get into the plot, we see that an old man comes over to Captain Spaulding's gas station and uses his bathroom. Then, of course, as typical as any rundown gas station, two robbers wearing masks come in the gas station and try to rob him.
When my ears were not hurting from hearing fuck in every other sentence, I actually realized that Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) has some great quotes.
- "Well, I'll tell you what, Ski King. Why don't you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in your ass!"
- "But MOST of all... fuck YOU!"
- "Goddamn, motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit!"
I find him really likable. Then again, I'm not scared of clowns.
Once the robbers are dealt with, four kids pull up to his gas station. It is the day before Halloween in the 70s. We meet our main characters, the nerd Billy, who somehow ended up with a girlfriend, and his slacker friend Jerry with his girlfriend. They are on a road trip looking for side attractions to write about in a book.
After some conversation, Captain Spaulding takes them on a murder ride. The ride features Lizzie Borden, Ed Gein, and other famous murderers. There is also a 'Dr. Satan', who was a doctor who tried to make mental patients into a superior race. Of course, Jerry ends up wanting to know more about this doctor, and Captain Spaulding gives him directions to the tree where Dr. Satan was hanged before his body disappeared.
On the way there, they of course, like any other drivers, picks up a hitchhiker named Baby who is stuck in the rain (played by Rob Zombie's wife, Sherri Moon Zombie.) Shortly after picking her up, their car stops, and Baby walks with Bill back to her house to get her tow trucking brother. Of course Baby flirts with Bill as they wait.
I'm sorry, but I don't know how Rob Zombie can be comfortable with his wife being half-naked on screen most of the time! All Baby does in this movie is show off her body, flirt, and kill people. Does Rob Zombie just want guys to jerk off to his wife? And how is Sherri okay with that? I just... don't... understand that. But whatever floats their boat. If they like doing that, let them do that.
Anyways, the group come back as we learn the other members of the family get weird and weirder. Baby's mom, Mrs. Firefly, looks like a Dolly Parton hooker from hell. Tiny is a freaky tall guy, you know, that one guy who always gets hired by haunted houses. His dad tried to burn him alive, and thus he is badly scarred. Otis is a blonde long haired dude who enjoys kidnapping cheerleaders and killing them. And Grandpa is like your average grandfather except he has the mouth of a sailor. So they all make one weird dysfunctional family.
The girls, Bill and Jerry eat dinner with the Fireflys and stay afterwards for a show they put on. Baby sings a song from 'Some Like It Hot' (that's where I recognize it from, sung by Marilyn Monroe). Of course, she flirts around once again, and one of the girls gets pissed off and threatens to fight her. The group decides to leave, as their car is fixed. But as they tried to leave, Otis stops them and messes up their car, taking all of them hostage.
RJ, the brother with the tow truck, takes the crushed car away the next day as one of the girls wake up. The girl is held hostage by Otis, and she keeps begging to know where Bill is. Much to her surprise, Bill is now a fish dude! Jerry is scalped by Baby when he guesses that Marilyn Monroe is her favorite star. Tiny has a girl wearing a 1950s dress and tied up to his bed. Being mentally handicapped I guess (Mrs. Firefly says 'he don't even have a bicycle'), he lets the girl go just so that Otis tosses her into a giant laundry hamper or cage or something. At this rate, all I know is that the main character's stupid behavior is what got them to the place they are now, and I'm just waiting for all of them to die.
One of the girl's dads call the police when she doesn't come home, and he happens to be watching the ironic news channel as it just so happens that there are four cheerleaders missing. I cannot rightly when exactly the dad and the police officers talk to Captain Spaulding, hinting at the confusing factor this movie just has for some reason. The dad and two other police officers find the car the gang was in with one of the cheerleaders in the trunk.
They of course find the Firefly household, and the dad and one police officer go in the back as the other police officer goes into the front. Mrs. Firefly shoots the police officer in the front after talking and flirting a bit with him, as the dad just happens to find a barn with one of the girls (it might be his daughter, but I didn't pick up on him recognizing her), tied up to a pole with numerous wounds on her and naked with other dead bodies in the background. Otis of course kills both the dad and the other police officer, in boring slow motion that is too overdone.
Then there is this unnecessary scene where Baby and Otis go to a liquor store that happens to have holy water. Ok, thank you, useless scene, for bringing the movie to a complete halt.
They dress the remaining three kids in bunny outfits, hinting to something Otis says about how people run like bunnies. Otis makes a suit (I guess) out of the dad's skin, leaving the dad's body skinless. Thank goodness I have a strong stomach, otherwise I would be vomiting up my lunch by now. And that's not the best half of it. Otis decides to wear the suit and try to make a move on the dad's daughter. Ok.. thank you, movie, for that grossness.
The Fireflys decide to let Jerry see Doctor Satan. One girl escapes and gets stabbed by Baby, and the other two are put in a coffin and hoisted underground. They get attacked by underwater zombies and Jerry gets left behind because the girl decides that she has to save her own ass.
The girl encounters two strange people who attack her and try to rape her or something. I don't know, it's bringing the movie to another complete halt for no reason but just to creep you out. Thank you movie for stopping in your tracks again. The girl finds Dr. Satan experimenting on Jerry, who is most likely dead because he loses a lot of blood. Dr. Satan's weird assistant tries to kill the girl or something, but he doesn't kill her, and she finds her way out.
Just as you're about to get up and flee this confusing movie, Captain Spaulding just happens to pull up in his car to where the girl was escaping. She gets into the car, and Captain Spaulding tells her to chill out as he gets her to a doctor. But then Otis pops up behind her (yeah, somehow he got into Captain Spaulding's car), and kills her.
And then the movie ends. Explaining absolutely NOTHING about what the hell I just saw.
The movie is just SO confusing! The start of the movie is confusing, but as you're introduced to the heros, you kinda feel less confused.
The story takes a while to start up, but once it does, you're invested a little.
Bill and Jerry are just stereotypes of the nerd and the slacker/hippie/druggie guy, and the two girls are bland and have no personality outside of screaming for their lives.
The violence is super extreme and so is the sex and the nakedness. Not that I mind the violence.
The only enjoyable parts of this movie that aren't confusing are when Captain Spaulding interacts with people.
The Fireflys are interestingly dysfunctional.
The middle part of the movie seems just to lose interest in the protagonists. I mean, really, Rob Zombie wants us to care about these people we don't even know much or care about. This movie just doesn't seem to facilitate any sympathy for the heros or the dad.
The end is just... UGH. As you can tell, I had a hard time even trying to explain it. All of a sudden Dr. Satan exists, and... yeah. And suddenly Captain Spaulding harbors serial killers in the back of his car.
~ Spoilers & Language ~
Ok, I am mean towards this movie. Why? It just seems a little extreme in certain areas but lacking in others.
But is it worth watching?
Yes. If you're fine with violence, feeling confused and getting genuinely creeped out in certain scenes. And clowns, you have to be ok with clowns. That is why I feel this movie is meant to be more of a psychological thriller than an actual 'ahh omg' horror movie or a slasher movie.
No if you're not ok with violence, if you're demanding an understandable story, scared of clowns and not wanting to get creeped out.
I'm sorry, but I don't know how Rob Zombie can be comfortable with his wife being half-naked on screen most of the time! All Baby does in this movie is show off her body, flirt, and kill people. Does Rob Zombie just want guys to jerk off to his wife? And how is Sherri okay with that? I just... don't... understand that. But whatever floats their boat. If they like doing that, let them do that.
Anyways, the group come back as we learn the other members of the family get weird and weirder. Baby's mom, Mrs. Firefly, looks like a Dolly Parton hooker from hell. Tiny is a freaky tall guy, you know, that one guy who always gets hired by haunted houses. His dad tried to burn him alive, and thus he is badly scarred. Otis is a blonde long haired dude who enjoys kidnapping cheerleaders and killing them. And Grandpa is like your average grandfather except he has the mouth of a sailor. So they all make one weird dysfunctional family.
The girls, Bill and Jerry eat dinner with the Fireflys and stay afterwards for a show they put on. Baby sings a song from 'Some Like It Hot' (that's where I recognize it from, sung by Marilyn Monroe). Of course, she flirts around once again, and one of the girls gets pissed off and threatens to fight her. The group decides to leave, as their car is fixed. But as they tried to leave, Otis stops them and messes up their car, taking all of them hostage.
RJ, the brother with the tow truck, takes the crushed car away the next day as one of the girls wake up. The girl is held hostage by Otis, and she keeps begging to know where Bill is. Much to her surprise, Bill is now a fish dude! Jerry is scalped by Baby when he guesses that Marilyn Monroe is her favorite star. Tiny has a girl wearing a 1950s dress and tied up to his bed. Being mentally handicapped I guess (Mrs. Firefly says 'he don't even have a bicycle'), he lets the girl go just so that Otis tosses her into a giant laundry hamper or cage or something. At this rate, all I know is that the main character's stupid behavior is what got them to the place they are now, and I'm just waiting for all of them to die.
One of the girl's dads call the police when she doesn't come home, and he happens to be watching the ironic news channel as it just so happens that there are four cheerleaders missing. I cannot rightly when exactly the dad and the police officers talk to Captain Spaulding, hinting at the confusing factor this movie just has for some reason. The dad and two other police officers find the car the gang was in with one of the cheerleaders in the trunk.
They of course find the Firefly household, and the dad and one police officer go in the back as the other police officer goes into the front. Mrs. Firefly shoots the police officer in the front after talking and flirting a bit with him, as the dad just happens to find a barn with one of the girls (it might be his daughter, but I didn't pick up on him recognizing her), tied up to a pole with numerous wounds on her and naked with other dead bodies in the background. Otis of course kills both the dad and the other police officer, in boring slow motion that is too overdone.
Then there is this unnecessary scene where Baby and Otis go to a liquor store that happens to have holy water. Ok, thank you, useless scene, for bringing the movie to a complete halt.
They dress the remaining three kids in bunny outfits, hinting to something Otis says about how people run like bunnies. Otis makes a suit (I guess) out of the dad's skin, leaving the dad's body skinless. Thank goodness I have a strong stomach, otherwise I would be vomiting up my lunch by now. And that's not the best half of it. Otis decides to wear the suit and try to make a move on the dad's daughter. Ok.. thank you, movie, for that grossness.
The Fireflys decide to let Jerry see Doctor Satan. One girl escapes and gets stabbed by Baby, and the other two are put in a coffin and hoisted underground. They get attacked by underwater zombies and Jerry gets left behind because the girl decides that she has to save her own ass.
The girl encounters two strange people who attack her and try to rape her or something. I don't know, it's bringing the movie to another complete halt for no reason but just to creep you out. Thank you movie for stopping in your tracks again. The girl finds Dr. Satan experimenting on Jerry, who is most likely dead because he loses a lot of blood. Dr. Satan's weird assistant tries to kill the girl or something, but he doesn't kill her, and she finds her way out.
Just as you're about to get up and flee this confusing movie, Captain Spaulding just happens to pull up in his car to where the girl was escaping. She gets into the car, and Captain Spaulding tells her to chill out as he gets her to a doctor. But then Otis pops up behind her (yeah, somehow he got into Captain Spaulding's car), and kills her.
And then the movie ends. Explaining absolutely NOTHING about what the hell I just saw.
The movie is just SO confusing! The start of the movie is confusing, but as you're introduced to the heros, you kinda feel less confused.
The story takes a while to start up, but once it does, you're invested a little.
Bill and Jerry are just stereotypes of the nerd and the slacker/hippie/druggie guy, and the two girls are bland and have no personality outside of screaming for their lives.
The violence is super extreme and so is the sex and the nakedness. Not that I mind the violence.
The only enjoyable parts of this movie that aren't confusing are when Captain Spaulding interacts with people.
The Fireflys are interestingly dysfunctional.
The middle part of the movie seems just to lose interest in the protagonists. I mean, really, Rob Zombie wants us to care about these people we don't even know much or care about. This movie just doesn't seem to facilitate any sympathy for the heros or the dad.
The end is just... UGH. As you can tell, I had a hard time even trying to explain it. All of a sudden Dr. Satan exists, and... yeah. And suddenly Captain Spaulding harbors serial killers in the back of his car.
~ Spoilers & Language ~
Ok, I am mean towards this movie. Why? It just seems a little extreme in certain areas but lacking in others.
But is it worth watching?
Yes. If you're fine with violence, feeling confused and getting genuinely creeped out in certain scenes. And clowns, you have to be ok with clowns. That is why I feel this movie is meant to be more of a psychological thriller than an actual 'ahh omg' horror movie or a slasher movie.
No if you're not ok with violence, if you're demanding an understandable story, scared of clowns and not wanting to get creeped out.
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